I Thought I Was Grown…

Sometimes as parents, when we feel like we are putting our kids through too much, we tend to let them do things that we normally would not let them do or give into things that we would not normally give into.

The night that I moved in with my mom and my aunt, we went to Memphis TN so that my aunt could pick up an ounce of pot (marijuana). On the way back home they were sitting in the front seat smoking a joint and I was in the backseat listening to them talking and laughing. When they were almost done with the joint my mom reached back and handed it to me. I couldn’t believe this was happening.. It made me feel good because it made me feel like she thought I was grown enough to handle it. We smoked all the way back home. I was high! I’m not sure if I liked the feeling of being high, but I liked feeling included. We would get high every morning before work / school. I was in the ninth grade. I, eventually, started dating another guy. It wasn’t long after we were dating that we began having sex (unprotected). I remember one time, right before school, I got really sick and started throwing up. My mom had to take me to the ER. They gave me a pregnancy test and while we were waiting on the results my mom asked me, in a sweet voice, “Are you about to give me a grandbaby?”). As a kid we do not process situations like we do as adults. Back then, I took it as it was okay to have unprotected sex and it kind of made me want to have a baby. I love my mother very much and I know that she was going through something very difficult. She had just left the man that she had been with for 17 years. I know at the time she thought she was doing what was best by trying to be my friend. As a teen who had just been through some traumatic situations, I did not need a friend. “I needed a mother.”

When my mom left my dad, he would not allow her to take my younger brothers and sister with her. While we were living with my aunt, my momdecided to go to the school that they were attending and check them out and bring them to live with us. She realized that my dad could do the same thing if she enrolled them in school where we lived. She called my social worker and told her what was going on. My social worker talked her into putting my brothers and sister into state custody so that my dad could not come and get them. My social worker told my mom that she needed to get her own place, and a job, and be able to pass a drug test. If she could do all of this then she could get the kids back. For some reason, even though I was still in state custody, she allowed me to continue staying with my mom.

My mom got a job and she got her own place. The problem was that she could not seem to stop smoking marijuana long enough to pass a drug test. While we were living on our own she would allow whichever guy I was dating to come over and stay the night with me. We were getting high everyday. The DHS started allowing my mom to get weekend visits with my siblings. One night during one of these visits my mom and my oldest brother got into an argument. He screamed at her and slapped him in the face. He took off running out the front door. We went out and looked for him and we were calling for him, but he would not answer. There were no cell phones at the time and we did not have a landline phone. My mom did not want to leave my other siblings in the house while she went out to look for my brother. My brother had went to a neighbor’s house and called my dad. He waited out in the woods until my dad showed up to get him. After this visit the DHS would not allow the kids to come over and visit overnight. My dad was in trouble because he was not supposed to leave with my brother. He took my brother to MO and was on the run. My youngest brother and sister were, of course, staying in a foster home. I’m not sure how long they were there before my youngest brother decided he was leaving. He snuck out in the middle of the night and called my dad. My dad made arrangements for him to be brought to MO. So now both of my brothers were with my dad , my sister was the foster home, and I was still living with my mother.

When I was 15 I started dating this guy who was 18. My mom let him move in with us. He had a job and his own car. My mom quit her job and my boyfriend started paying our bills. On the weekends my mom would take us to a bar, and she would sign a piece of paper saying that she would take responsibility for anything that happened to me. I would drink and smoke just as much as everybody else. When I was 16 I walked in on my mom snorting a line of crystal meth. I immediately got mad and started screaming at her. She started trying to convince me that it was okay, and that it would not hurt her or me. That was the first day I ever tried crystal meth. It really didn’t do much to me that day because I had been drinking tequila and I was too drunk for it to really phase me. Not long after that my mom started dating this guy who was only 19 years old. At first I was okay with it. Then, he started trying to tell me what to do and not to talk to my mom certain ways. I was 16 and he was 19. I thought he was ridiculous for thinking he could tell me what to do. He was an alcoholic and he would get drunk an act stupid all the time. He would punch holes in our wall and he would get in the car and do donuts in the front yard. One night, he was drunk and he shoved my mom against the wall. I got a pair of scissors and grabbed him by his hair, pulled his head back, and put the scissors to his throat. I told him to never put his hands on my mom again or I would kill him! There’s no way I was going to sit back and watch another man put his hands on my mom.

A couple of months later my mom left with this guy and went to South Florida. She was only supposed to be gone for about a week. While she was gone I quit going to school. Two months later she still had not come home. Eventually, the truancy officer came looking for me. They served me with papers and I had to go to court for not going to school. The judge ordered me six months probation and placed me in the home with my grandmother (on mom’s side). This meant that I could not live with my boyfriend anymore. It was really hard on me because I was pretty much used to loving on my own. I had to go to church on Sundays, I had to go to school everyday, and my grandmother stopped me from being able to see my boyfriend. My mom called one night and said that her boyfriend would not let her come home. She convinced us that he was holding her down and shooting crystal meth into her veins. A friend of ours agreed to take me to South Florida to go and get her. We drove all the way down there and then she would not answer the phone. She did not come back with us. She was gone for a total of three or four months. When she got back, her and my boyfriend got a place together. They were waiting on me to get off probation so that I could come home. As soon as they released me from probation, I quit school and moved back in with my mom. Not long after that, me and my boyfriend split up. My mom met a new guy. She was 33 yrs old, he was 23, and at this time I was 17. One night I walked in their bedroom and they were sitting on the bed smoking crystal meth. Of course, I was invited to join them. This time I was not drunk, and I immediately felt the rush of the crystal meth. It was an amazing feeling. I stayed up all night and cleaned and organized my entire bedroom. I wanted more!!!

I wound up linking up with an old friend of mine that was from the town I grew up in. My dad and her dad (Carl) were best friends when we were growing up. Carl used to stay at our house all the time. He would come over and do meth with my parents. While my dad was out on the road he would be at our house, and sometimes he would stay the night. Of course he never slept over because they didn’t sleep. Anyways, she told me that she was fixing to move in with her dad in Gulf Shores Alabama. She asked me if I would go with her. She had just had a baby. I was so excited because we were moving out there close to the beach. I packed my stuff and we waited on her dad. When he was already on his way she told me that she had to stay behind and take care of some stuff for her and her baby. She told me that I could go ahead and go on and she would be down there soon. Carl picked me up that night and I moved to Gulf Shores with him. He lived in a trailer park out on Fort Morgan Bay. You could stand out on the front porch and see nothing but water. It was beautiful. He was working at a resort right down the road and he made pretty good money. The public beach was only about 5 min. away. He took me to a place that made fake IDs and had me an ID made that said I was 22 years old. While he was at work I would go to the beach. I could walk into any bar on the beach and buy an alcoholic beverage. My friend Jessie never showed up. She said she decided to stay where she was. Eventually, me and Carl started messing around. It was kind of weird because he was 35 and I was 17. He would tell me all the time how sexy and beautiful I was. Anything I ask for he what is happy to oblige. A few months after being in Gulf Shores we met this guy that was doing some work on the trailers in the trailer park. The next day the guy’s wife was with him. They invited us to come over one night and watch movies One night, we decided to go over and hang out. A little bit after we got there things started getting weird. The guy would go in the bathroom and he would be in there for what seemed like 5 or 10 minutes, and when he came out his wife would go in and she would be in there for 5 or 10 minutes. After a little bit Carl call the guy off to the side and started talking to him. Carl came back and told me that they were smoking crack. He asked me if I wanted to smoke some. I told him I had never smoked crack before. He convinced me that there wasn’t nothing to it and that it would make me feel good. That was the first time I ever tried crack. I don’t know why but I really didn’t feel anything off of it that night. After that night we didn’t go and hang out with him anymore. We decided to make a trip back to Mississippi to see my mom.

My mom’s ex-boyfriend’s aunt and uncle had moved to town. They were the people that she had been staying with in South Florida. They had moved down here and was bringing pounds of crystal meth. My mom and her boyfriend started selling meth. So when Carl & I came down for a visit the first thing we did was get high. When it was time to go back to Gulf Shores I really didn’t want to go back. I wanted to stay at my mom’s because they had all the drugs. Carl begged me to go back to Gulf Shores with him. I did. It wasn’t the same though. I didn’t want to be in Gulf Shores anymore. I wanted to go home. Carl did everything he could to try and keep me from going home. I mean why would he want to let go of a seventeen-year-old girl. He was an old pervert and I just didn’t realize it at the time. Finally, I talked him into going back to my mom’s for another visit. I promised him that I’d go back to Gulf Shores with him. When we got there I refused to go back. He was really really upset.. Even after I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore, he continued to stay for over a week trying to convince me to go back with him. He finally left me alone and went back to Gulf Shores.

When you are an active drug addict, your future can be one of two things. You are either going to wind up dead or you’re going to wind up in prison! Well, I’m Not Dead!

To Be Continued…


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