Addicted To Meth (Part 2)

1Pet.5.8 – Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: KJV

I haven’t posted anyting in a couple of weeks except scriptures. Life gets so hectic and Satan tries to keep you from doing God’s will.. He will keep you so busy that you lose track of what your real purpose is.

In my last post, I left a few things out so I am going to throw a few things in here. When my ex boyfriend Allen and I lived in the trailer behind Donnie I would go up to Cora Sue’s house (Donnie’s mom) and hang out.. We all called her Grammy Sue. That all started one day when me and Allen went up there to pay the rent. We took the rent money up there and she was sitting at the bar smoking a cigarette. She took the money and put it in her Bible and told us that she would give it to Larry (her husband, Donnie’s stepdad). We didn’t think anything else about it until a couple of days later when Larry came knocking on our door asking for the rent money. We were confused. We told him that we had given it to Sue. The next day she showed up with a plate full of fresh baked cookies. She was very apologetic. She had forgotten that she had put it in her Bible. She invited me up to her house for a Bible study. I would go up there and hang out with her for hours. She would ask Larry to bring a 2 liter Dr Pepper home because she knew that’s what I liked to drink. She would hide it in the cabinet so that no one else would drink it. At this time, Donnie was in a state of severe depression. His brother had passed away a few years back and his ex-wife (Lisa, who is now my best friend) had left him. They had a daughter (Destiny) together. He would stay locked in his bedroom. Every now and then he would come out of the bedroom but he would be on his way out the door. I would tell Sue how sexy I thought her son was. After a few months of hanging out with her, one day while we were sitting there reading the Bible, she took my hand and told me that I was the answer to her prayers. Apparently, she had been praying for Donnie to find someone and she thought that I was that someone.

There is no way that I could put into words how good this woman was. She had four kids Dean, Donna, Darren, and Donnie. She also had three step children Laura, Leann, and Maury. She also raised her granddaughter Jessica who was Donna’s daughter. Sue would sit and listen to me as I would cry and pour my heart out to her about my life. I would tell her about how my mom was in jail and how bad my life was. She would hold me, love me, and pray for me. This woman was a God loving, God fearing, give you the shirt off of her back woman. She told me that she would be my mama until my mama got out of jail. She was more than that. She was the mama I never had!

Okay.. Picking up from my last post..

3 or 4 days after I got out of prison I went to visit Donnie ( and Sue of course). I could tell as soon as I seen Donnie that he was high. By that afternoon I was high too (meth). I hadn’t even seen my probation officer yet. I started staying with Donnie at his mom’s house. Donnie didn’t work at the time. We would waste our days just smoking meth and making out.

I had paroled out in Monroe County. I could not tell my probation officer where I was really staying because Donnie was on probation too and we were not supposed to be around each another. Not long after I moved in, Donnie’s brother Dean moved back in too. He was on probation also. Sue had a house full of convicts living with her. About five months after I started seeing Donnie I had to go to Monroe County to see my probation officer. My dad lived in Monroe County so I wanted to go and see him. I wanted Donnie to go with me so he could meet my dad. Donnie was refusing to go because he said he had a bad feeling about it. It made me really mad because we had been together about 5 months and I felt like it was time for him to meet my dad. I gave him an ultimatum and told him that if he did not go with me to meet my dad that I was not coming back. After seeing my PO, me and Donnie went to my dad’s house. At the time, my dad was shooting meth and he only weighed about a 135 lbs. My dad was upset with me because I had been seeing his best friend while I was in prison and I left him to be with Donnie. Even though his best friend was about 20 years older than me and I had never really liked him like that, he had been taking really good care of me while I was gone. He sent me money every week and accepted no telling how many collect calls. He came to see me every week and sent me whatever I needed. Y’all know how it goes.. You do what you got to do and you fake it to you make it! Anyways, while we were visiting my dad, things went south. As you all read in my past posts my dad could snap out in an instant. I had said something that he didn’t like and instead of taking it out on me he took it out on Donnie! He started calling Donnie all kinds of names and he chased us out the door and pulled a hatchet out on Donnie. At some point he jumped up and karate kicked him. I was begging Donnie to just get in the car and let’s go. I was mortified! I had practically made Donnie come with me so that he could be violently attacked! Donnie was furious, as I would have been! Of course, this caused me and Donnie to get into a huge fight. I was very hard headed and never liked to admit that I was wrong and hardly ever apologized for anything. So instead of apologizing to Donnie, I was making up excuses. During this huge fight Donnie put his hands around my throat and slammed me against the wall and proceeded to choke me. It immediately cut off my air supply and I thought I was going to die! Because I had been abused in my past and I had watched my mom be abused this was completely and totally unacceptable to me. As soon as he let me go I started packing my stuff. When he seen that I was seriously about to leave he went into apologetic mode. This made me have flashbacks of when my mom would leave my dad after he had beat her and then he would show up saying I’m sorry and she would always go back.

I was so torn and had never been so confused in my life. I knew that I did not want to live like my mom and dad had lived, but I loved this man so much and could not see my life without him in it. I also didn’t have anywhere else to go. My dad was mad at me and my mom was in jail. The only bad thing that I might could say about Sue is that she would always make excuses for her kids. I had Donnie crying and begging me not to go and Sue telling me that he was sorry and doesn’t do stuff like that. I stayed.

Donnie’s brother Dean was on house arrest and he was a cook (meth). We all stayed wired up most of the time. I remember one day two police cars pulled up and they came in and asked Sue where Dane was. She was sitting at the bar and she didn’t even budge. She just lit a cigarette and pointed toward the hallway. I snuck out the door and went out to Jessica’s house because I wasn’t supposed to be there. They arrested Dean that day and he was on his way to prison. After they left I went back up to the house to find Sue on her knees on the bathroom floor screaming to the top of her lungs. The sound coming from her throat was enough to bring tears to anyone’s eyes. It was the sound of a mother crying out to God for her child… this was the result of Meth. I truly believe with all my heart that meth is Satan reincarnated through a substance. It is out to kill, steal, and destroy!

To be continued…

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